Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
John 15:13
Friendship is an interesting concept. People claim to understand what it is but they can only define the effect. Asking someone to define friendship is like asking someone "What does the wind look like?". Philosophers have tried to explain and define friendship. I won't go there this time since I haven't done the appropriate reading into Aristotle's expose' of friendship. Sufice to say he did mention it in his works and I might return to them later in the year.
Despite this the actual term "friendship" seems somewhat of a mystery. Well to me it does. It's an association which goes beyond just knowing someone (like a work acquaintance or a fellow church goer or pub crawler), and moves to the area of deeper connection, commitment and conversations. It can be between male and female, male and male, female and female, and any other myriad of combinations that can be thought of in our head.
It doesn't seem to be a requirement for human existence. That's why there is a potential to become a recluse and still survive for many years. But to be a friend is to have a connection, a compassion an affinity of sorts. To want to spend time, money, effort, energy with the other person. To be involved in activities which one hates (with a passion) just because the other person likes that activity. Its something so strange and beautiful to human existence. Friendships have been said to improve mental and physical health. Mentally, friends bring joy and a challenge to the mind, they get you off your behind to do things which keeps you physically, socially, emotionally and mentally active.
Friendships can't be started like a business contract though. You can't really walk up to a person and say, "I'd like to be your friend. Here are the appropriate documents to initiate a friendship, these are the requirements and restrictions. Please read through these, sign and date at the bottom and keep the duplicate copy for yourself for future reference. I reserve the right to cut this friendship off if you are in breach of any of the terms of this friendship contract." Although with more than 7 billion people on the planet I will not be surprised if someone's actually tried :D
On the other hand I do remember as a child, having other kids come to me and introduce themselves and saying "Would you like to be my friend". (I was the shy kid in the corner crying for my mummy as usual so wasn't up to much introducing myself). This simple act could usually result in a friendship that lasts a lifetime. It amazes me how two people can meet each other for the first time and begin a wonderful friendship. One of my friends I met in Townsville at a young adults party organised by the church. She and I found ourselves talking to each other and now after about 4 years (maybe more), we are exploring the same city wondering what new things we can find in Adelaide. Friendships are organic. I mean they develop on their own. They start because of a natural human reaction and need to associate and grow and build connection. It's how humans were made. We were made for interaction and communication and relationship.
On the other hand, there is a prerequisite to friendship, it seems. It needs to go deeper than mere association or acquaintance. To be an acquaintance is to be known with little or no level of intimacy. To be an acquaintance is normal in modern society and social media and technology has allowed this lack of intimacy in society to grow. How many friends do I have on facebook? (217) How many people know me personally? (maybe 100) How many people know me well enough and share life with me to be called my friends? (maybe 20?) For a sustainable friendships, there needs to be a connection, a sharing of life, experiences, feelings, emotions, joys and pains. Some more than others, but that element of deeper connection HAS to exist otherwise it's just another person you know about but do not KNOW.
The greatest human form of friendship is found in the bounds of marriage. It's also the most stressful and most heartbreaking too since the level of life being shared at that stage is not just the joys and happiness and ecstasy but also the pain, suffering and heartaches. That's why many people seem afraid of committing to such a deep connection so they commit half-heartedly to something that is less than ideal with multiple people and destroy the lives of many people along the way.
Friendships seems not to be necessary for human existence but for some reason it seems to be something that comes naturally to humans. It's somewhat of a mystery. You can come up with formulas and methods and structures for developing lasting friendships but every friendship I have seems to have developed just as suddenly as finding a beautiful rose hidden under weeds when clearing the garden (which I never did much of anyway since I hate gardening :D ). It's also something very dangerous yet helpful at the same time. People have been known to die of what is referred to as the "Broken Heart Syndrome" which usually results from highly traumatic social situations which causes the brain to release chemicals to weaken the heart. On the other hand, friendships have been known to reduce the onset of medical and psychological disorders and in some cases bring healing in these areas.
It's just plain wierd, it feels so right. It's helps and heals and builds us to be the people that we ought to be. They motivate us and give us hope, make us laugh and cry, they are there to share our sorrows with and to celebrate our joys, not because they get anything out of it, but because of who and what you are. It is one mystery I am not in a hurry to try to explain or demistify. Otherwise friendship will become ordinary. I mean how many times have you heard: "We met at a [party; church meeting; friends house; shopping mall] and just started talking about [life politics, ex's; the seasons new clothing lines] and from that moment on I knew we'd be friends forever".
I wish the mystery never ended.
Varun
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